The weekend got off to a smashing start. I went to a VIP night at a local cosmetics store/salon. I’m a sucker for any sales situation in which they hand out free booze. Gets me every time. At least I managed to walk away with only an eyeliner and a bag full of freebies.

After a few sparkling wines and half an overcooked mini-quiche I hit up a buffet in Boulder with my boyfriend and was in bed (love that alliteration!) nursing indigestion by 9:30pm.

The next morning the pain of spending 6 hours driving to Perth was completely numbed by the fact that I was off to see Beyonce that night.

The drive was unremarkable except for the giant plague of locusts we drove through near Merredin which reminded me of watching a mid 1990s Windows screensaver.

Not far from Perth we did something I have wanted to do for nigh on two years and stopped at the Bakers Hill pie shop.

It was kind of strange to get a pie that wasn’t this pie, which I spent far too long obsessing over.

I had beef and mushroom and it was over far too quickly.

That evening I met friends at Bivouac for dinner before Beyonce. After champagne, tapas and two ‘herbaceous’ cocktails I had chocolate & rum marquise (kind of a thick mousse) with banana ginger cream and honeycomb:

When it came out I did the whole “this is HUGE, how ever will I finish it?!” and then devoured the whole thing. Because women lie about food. Constantly.

Do you think row V constitutes the nose bleed section?! Either way it totally didn’t matter.

Halfway through the show Beyonce flew from the main stage to a second stage:

Fancy. I don’t really have much to say about the concert. It was great! The End.

The next day we caught up with friends for breakfast for some much needed sustenance before heading to where peaceful weekend afternoons go to die:

Ikea. That desk ^ is the only piece of Ikea furniture that has eluded perfect construction under my bizarrely excellent furniture assembling skills. Over the years I have put together a bed, bedside tables, a couple of desks and at least 3 bookshelves with the skill and expertise of a Swedish national. But that crappy $20 ‘Laiva’ desk is the one that got away. It belonged to my friend Sophie and we lugged the desk from Ikea in Vienna back to her apartment where I proceeded to lose the battle with the Allen key. As you can tell I’ve never really gotten over it. One day Laiva, one day.

Anyway, apart from running into my old nemesis Laiva the trip went ridiculously well. We dodged and weaved through families on the brink of meltdown to the market hall and went straight to pick up my new Svelnik bed (I learnt that you can’t fix a bed with glue). I knew exactly where to head because Ikea online has this helpful function:

Amazing. We were in and out in 30 minutes and the giant boxes fitted easily into the ute we had driven. My only regret is that I didn’t have room for meatballs or a $1 hotdog.

This speedy trip left us plenty of time to head down to Scarborough beach for an hour or so, along with everyone else in the greater Perth area.

Before long we were back on the long, uneventful road to Kalgoorlie. Our trip was mostly locust free and after picking up Subway in Merredin (I forewent my meatball sub for a healthier option and only regretted it a little) thought we were on the home straight.

Unfortunately a kangaroo with a death wish that was very promptly granted bounced out in front of the car in the last 30 minutes of the trip. All I saw was its little head in front of the car bonnet before a loud BANG and a slamming of the breaks. We went back to check it wasn’t still moving, which it wasn’t thank goodness, I really didn’t fancy adding ‘so then we spent 10 minutes trying to bludgeon the poor thing to death with a small rock’ to this story.

We were very fortunate that only very minor damage was done to the front of the car and no damage was done to us. We pulled back into town and the last half hour of the weekend was spent washing locusts and roo blood from the front of the car. Deeeeelightful.

I do feel like a proper country person now though. How was your weekend? Got a roadkill story to share?